23 life lessons from my 23 years of life (1/2)
opinions only, take everything with a grain of salt!
I graduate from college in less than a month, and amidst the terror of finally entering ‘the real world,’ deflecting the incessant post-grad inquires, reminiscing over the most banal memories (you cannot romanticize eating dining hall food), I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. On one hand, I feel like I’ve been in school forever and feel impossibly old (though mostly tired), and on the other, I feel like I’ve just exited the womb, and don’t know a thing after four (and a half) long years. Like, does the inexplicable feeling of ever screaming, crying, and running away when you don’t know what to do or say ever fade?! The truth of the matter is certainly somewhere in between, but as a note of confidence, I wanted catalog what I have learned from college, and the lessons/stories I’ve been taught, grasped, and gleaned, from my twenty-three years of life thus far. Therefore, in no particular order…
Lesson 1: Time is short.. but long! 😭
If something isn’t right and you know it; move, leave, or change something! Make a move, and embrace the unknown. I started my college experience at a very small liberal arts college in rural Vermont, and I quickly realized it wasn’t for me. As a first year student though, I saw the route ahead of me as four years (a somewhat shortish, somewhat longish time?) of sticking it out there with what I knew, or choosing to transfer to somewhere completely different. And I chose to transfer to where I am now! Years are short, but long; ex. How is it 2023?! Your day to day experience of life and living matters immensely.
Lesson 2: Time and attention are the most valuable resources.
That’s it. Don’t be late! Respect and value other people’s time. But be generous with your own time too.
Lesson 3: On olive oil, whipped cream, flaky salt
Similar to point #1 above, though expressed in a culinary-ish way: a drizzle of olive oil on your eggs, whipped cream in your coffee (espresso con panna!), the Maldon flaky salt sprinkle on your toast, the smallest things add up. I literally (and figuratively) relish getting up every morning to eat my silly little PB & banana toast because I’ll add some fig jam that day, some fresh mint on top. Be a simple sensory being! Appreciate cold air, freshly cracked black pepper, an unexpected compliment.
Lesson 4: Ask questions and better questions?
I’m grateful for the practice of thinking critically, which is something I credit entirely to my mom (!!) and some incredible teachers for instilling in me, beyond any sort of ‘substantive’ knowledge. This practice starts with being curious and asking questions. While I don’t necessarily think there are ‘bad’ or ‘stupid’ questions, a better question can form connection, clarify, and resolve misunderstanding. These questions are distilled to be simple (not a paragraph), asked with genuine sincerity, and are clean, specific. Ask better questions.
Lesson 5: You don’t need to be good at your hobbies or the things you enjoy.
Lesson 6: Accept your excess, where you lack.
The ‘clean girl’ aesthetic Tik Toks, and a mini response to those videos (if a clean girl is the aspirational lifestyle of the hour, what is the dirty girl aesthetic? Way more to say on this though) has made me think about my own ‘excess’ and ‘lack’ in comparison aspirational ideals, but also to where I’d like myself to be one day. I’m thinking about the emotional, physical, and spiritual parts of me that are tender and where I know I can grow, but I’m not quite there yet. Be proactive, but patient about growth.
Lesson 7: Don’t forget where you came from :)
Lesson 8: Play to your strengths.
Search it up, or read this short article (and a lot more on it here from a job perspective), but playing to your strengths has informed many of my decisions, activities, and how I show up. Embrace your gifts (and the gifts of others!)
Lesson 9: Let things end.
Let things go, and let things end. This is my last Tik Tok reference, but a little video with Chamber of Reflection and a Law of Detachment quote kind of does everything to me? Especially when I’ve been walking on the North Beach deep in my feels. I’m getting somewhat new-agey perhaps, but letting things go, end with grace, and not forcing things, is one of the biggest lessons I’m coming to terms with in the last five years. Instead, accept temporality. Cherish the now, the acquaintances you cross paths with! Don’t force things to last.
Lesson 10: Alone time!
Enjoy being alone. Cultivate the ability to do independent things with confidence, privacy, and no approval. Be able to sit by yourself, and do what you want.
My favorite ‘alone’ activities include:
Going to museums or galleries
Running
Restaurant, bakery, grocery store exploration
Study! Read! Picnic! Shop! Volunteer!
Lesson 11: Do what you say you will! Don’t say things (big OR small) that you don’t mean.
Even for ‘small’ things. This is so important.
Lesson 12: Say no to things.
Sometimes you should say yes to things to see what happens, and other times, you should say no to things. Saying ‘no’ or an ‘I would prefer not to’ at the right time is truly a hidden power.
Lesson 13: Don’t be boring. Do interesting things.
!!!!
Lesson 14: Lessons from Improv.
Taking an Improv class this Winter was one of the best decisions I’ve made because it introduced me to so many principles that push up against the toxic tendencies of control, achievement, perfectionism, and rigidity, that I recognize in myself. One of our ‘textbooks’ for the class was Improv Wisdom by Patricia Ryan Madson, who writes on the following ‘maxims’ far better than I could.
Some favorites:
Just show up! Everything can happen when you show up for people and to things. Be a body!
Be average. Trust that your perspective (by virtue of your distinct lived experiences) will be unique.
Wake up to gifts and offers from other people.
Don’t prepare. For many things, you actually have all the tools you need.
Your goal should be to help your fellow players shine as bright as possible.
I’m about halfway through here (twenty-three was actually more lessons that I thought), but let me know what you think! I'll continue with this in next week’s newsletter :) Thank you for reading, and have a good night, morning, afternoon, wherever you are.