anxiety. questing. a new juicer.
Recent thoughts on mental health, also juice. And the transforming focaccia.
If I were to rate my life satisfaction at this very moment, my numbers would be high—an 8 or 9. I wake up every day and feel exceptionally grateful to be alive, loved, empowered in control of my decisions, excited by my passions, and exuberant to be me, myself! I am very, very happy.
And simultaneously, when I think about other threads composing my life, I feel intensely anxious and fearful—related to my family, the future. This is just to say, I think there’s much to be said about the ‘ands’ of being alive. Or holding space for a necessary three-letter conjunction, a ligament, to experience multiple contradictory emotions at once and in spite of each other.
But when I feel do down, I find myself ‘questing’ more than usual—seeking some kind of external force that might sit me down and instruct me on what to do, how to be. As if I could ingest a supplement, or read a particular self-help book and possess all the answers to my questions, fears, anxiety. Sometimes that ‘questing’ means going down a rabbit hole on sleep, gut health podcasts, or mindlessly scrolling through Enneagram descriptions that recommend what ‘Type 1s’ need to look out for. And so forth.
This is the thinking I presume, that led me to buy a Breville juicer last week. I paid ($40) on Facebook Marketplace including delivery and a recipe book, so it was a good deal at the very least.
I diligently went to my Whole Foods to procure organic celery for juicing, as waxed about in this extensive Goop article (where else?) and I juiced said celery with fresh ginger and mint. Despite the guidelines of celery-celery juice purists, I wanted my juice to be flavorful, a little zingy. Anyways, I followed the instructions and drank my juice—the juice (get it?). Which was fine, of course. Peppery and green-tasting, and chock-filled with an elixir of Vitamins K, A, C, folate, potassium, and calcium!!
The experience of juicing felt more novel—there was something viscerally satisfying seeing a huge stalk be obliterated into pulpy confetti and hearing the resulting spurt of chartreuse water. Who knew?
I’m obviously not a medical professional, and I absolutely believe physical health and balanced nutrition including chocolate ice cream, ripe stone fruits, spicy-sweet tofu, and fresh vegetables are immensely important for your well being, among many other things. There’s so much health science on the mind/body, nutritional deficiencies etc. that I absolutely don’t doubt. But I’ve also been thinking about how commodified wellness is so often is about making you buy something. And here too, I’m not first (or last) nor most insightful person to have written about all the ways in which an industry of toxic self-care, productivity, and consumption plays into both internalized and externalized forms of racialized capitalism.
But I think I want to rest upon on how this culture of “wellness buying” assumes that there is something fundamentally wrong with us, or speaking from the “I," something wrong with me or you that needs to be perpetually fixed or resolved.
And so, in spite of all of my questions: what is the best thing to do in this situation? How can I help? Am I doing all that I can? I return:
I am juice-filled and well-rested. I am stressed and joyful and angry and laughing. I am questing and I am present. Truly, I am happy :)
Other thoughts: Watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse! The animation was incredible, though I didn’t expect it to end on a cliff-hanger?!
If you you haven’t already listened to The Retrievals already, you should.
Sarah Jampel’s Shockingly Easy No-Knead Focaccia was everything that it promised and more.
The Yuzu fruit spread from Kuzu Fuku & Sons I’ve been going through this week is delicious. Be well, and have the best weekend.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health or substance use problem, there are several resources available to find out more information or get connected with help. Check out some mental health resources below:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET.
Call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email us at helpline@nami.org
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988 is confidential, free, and available 24/7/365.