the other life lessons? (2/2)
cont'd... but also kind of different! I'd asked some people I like for their life lessons too.
I’m continuing my series on twenty-three life lessons I’ve obtained thus far, where I ended on #15. Here goes:
Lesson #15: Seek tension!
Tension, to me, is the feeling of purpose, an elasticity in being, that is driven by a sense of urgency. I think of tension as a neutral force that can drive both positive and negative outcomes and is anything but static. Tension animates life—seek tension! To explain a bit more, if I were holding a string between my hands, the two extremes would be a completely relaxed string, or, a string that is pulled too tightly and might snap. Instead, seek the edge of moments, choices, and situations, so you feel as if you’re being challenged, a little stretched. And, if your ‘string’ is too tight (burnout!), check in with yourself and make an adjustment.
Lesson #16: Be friends with many different kinds of people.
Enough said!
Lesson #17: Meet yourself where you are and know your why(s) — Rhea, 22
Rhea is my dear friend and an Art History Graduate student. She writes about art at @arthistorhean. She is gentle, kind, funny, and one of the most generous people I know.
“When it comes to any kind of personal growth or professional move, take stock of where you are, and work from there when it comes to making tangible changes. Be super ambitious, but also compassionate and patient with yourself and others. The trap of comparison culture is easy to fall into when everyone and everything seem to be in your face on Instagram or LinkedIn. Don’t forget to switch off every once in a while and recognize your own humanity outside of your career aspirations. Give yourself intentional moments of stillness and meditate on what’s most important to you, your little whys in life that get you through the day. If you need reminders of your why(s), call a loved one and talk it out, and remember that it’s okay for why(s) to shift and evolve.” — Rhea, 22
Lesson #18: Make your connections.
Consider disparate academic disciplines, the categories of things. Intelligence and insight comes from the practice of making connections between things/ideas/interests that may seem wholly separate to other people. I say practice too, because I really think it is one. Make connections and recognize the patterns that only you can!
Lesson #19: Tender words —
Ethaney Lee is based in East Bay, CA. She shares her food, words, and warmth on @tenderherbs :)
“Always use your blinker when switching lanes, or when making a left or right.
When someone shows you their true colors, believe them.
Set all your bills to auto pay
In all aspects of life: quality over quantity
'Please', 'thank you' and 'I am sorry' hold a lot of weight in life.
When you are drinking, drink one glass of water for one drink.
You can be the best person in the world, but you will never be good enough for someone who isn't ready.
The best way to ruin an apology is with an explanation.
Don't fall in love with the moment and think you're falling in love with the person.
Always get your oil changed on schedule.
Don't chase people because if they wanted to, they would have.” — Ethaney
Lesson #20: Say thank you!
There are too many thank you’s that are left unsaid. Be effusive with giving praise, sharing gratitude, and recognizing the seen and unseen work of your friends, colleagues, classmates, family—anyone you interact with! It makes a world of difference.
Lesson #21: Everything is what you make of it — Hannah, 20
Hannah is my friend, roommate, and a soon to be graduate! I have learned so much from from her; I greatly admire her composure, patience, and clarity.
“You create your own experience of the world by choosing what to pay attention to, and how you interpret and react to the situations you’re placed in.
Internalizing this has saved me hurt/irritation (ie, not taking everything personally and picking my battles), created more space for gratitude, and allowed me to see opportunity everywhere (ex: take advantage of school/work resources! Learn something new from every experience!).
It’s easy to dismiss this perspective as willful naïveté — and there are certainly systemic issues that can’t be turned into fulfilling narratives / real opportunity gaps that cannot be ignored — but on an individual scale, I’ve found more peace and motivation to create change by choosing to see my own life, and the players within it, optimistically”— Hannah, 20
Lesson #22: You can’t take back your words.
Even when a fight is over and you’ve calmed down, you can’t ever take back what you’ve said. It’s not worth it to say something that you’ll later regret.
Lesson #23: The Fearless Ask?
Principles of Entrepreneurship 225 taught me the power of the fearless ask, or when you ask someone something that you might have otherwise been afraid to ask for. The fearless ask is so simple, but the simple power of asking has opened up innumerable possibilities, relationships, and experiences in my life.
The worst thing that can happen when you ask for something is a no. In fact, for this class, we kept an ‘Ask Log’ to get over the initial discomfort on asking for things. These ask assignments were: Ask five people you know to describe you in three words. Ask 5 people you DON’T know or don’t know well to do something for you when you assume the answer will be “No”! Some other asks that have been impactful for me have been asking to meet someone, or to learn something.
Notes: Consider context before asking someone for something! Be respectful. Have sincere motivations. Ask in person if possible. Ask your request simply and clearly with no ‘disclaimers’ after it. Be specific with your ask. If their answer is no, respect that. And pay it forward!
And that’s it! I’m in the middle of finals right now, so thank you for your patience on my silly little newsletter. For next weekend, I’m feeling something more frivolous… potentially related to fashion, accessories, clothes? My interest in fashion been reawakened with the possibilities of a sartorial summer (!!)